Misty 'n' Mild

What to do on a 113 degree day in Phoenix? Visit the local water park, of course!

The 3-1/2 hour trip was full of valuable blog-worthy experiences. I could very likely record them all but would possibly lose reader attention after 10 paragraphs, so I will stick with the highlights.

Observation #1: Wet 'n' Wild's workers seem to lack proper training. Paying for parking was difficult even with three people in the booth. I can't say why because I could not see inside. I can simply say the person helping us was ill-equipped in her money-handling and people skills. The ticket person was of the same ilk. We had season passes purchased online, and we asked to get them converted into permanent passes and upgrade one. After 10 minutes, the ticket-booth worker returned our paper passes and one upgraded gold pass ticket which said we should take it to the ticket booth to turn it into a permanent one. We tried the other side of the ticket booth, where the better-trained worker informed us a printer malfunction prevented them from giving us the permanent passes. The other person either couldn't tell us this or decided not to. Further evidence of low quality training was obvious in the Boogie Board Beach play area for the small kids. The lifeguards spend more time flirting and much time ignoring the children, avoiding any direct eye contact when signalling to the 5-year-olds that yes, they can go down the slide now.

Observation #2: Water rides make people puke much like roller coasters. Luckily, the teen boy was courteous enough to lose his lunch off to the side, in the rocks. He had obviously been attempting to stay very hydrated considering the large portion of clear liquid within the puke.

Observation #3: A large number of people have tattoos and like to share them with the world, even if they should probably remain covered on those body parts that should likely remain covered for reasons unrelated to the colorful body art. Combined with this observation is the fact that many park attendees wore bathing suits that were a bit too revealing for them. The tattoos do make these people easily identifiable, without any awkward introductions or actual talking. I will forever remember standing next to Tweeti (tattooed on her ankle) and listening to her discuss her children. I know that the guy with the lion silhouette enjoys the Transformer movies, having shared all detailed plot points with those in line around him. People with recent tattoos do not let that prevent them from having water fun. They just cover them up with band-aids. Due to that coverage I can only wonder what the red-headed woman had hidden under what looked like suspender bandages. Perhaps next time they will be ready for open air.

Observation #4: I can and will bribe my daughter to go on slides she is afraid of attempting. I was not going to let this be Matterhorn Redux. I still have resentment about the fact that I could not talk her into going on that ride with me at Disneyland. I pushed and pushed for Maddie to agree to go with me on the Tornado. I offered McDonald's for lunch as incentive. She smiled but quickly said no. After another hour or so, she approached me and said she was ready for the Tornado. As we walked to get in the line, she said, "You remember our deal right? That's not the only reason I'm doing it though. I decided I should face my fears." As I predicted, she enjoyed it even though she did clench my hand throughout our entire line wait.

Side note to Observation #4: At all costs, while you're in line for a ride that is making your child nervous and a touch anxious, do not allow her to view the action of the lifeguards tending to the woman who apparently hit her head while on the ride you are waiting for. Having your child see a man whose tattoos declare he was "Forgiven" on the front and "Blessed" on the back carry said woman to a lounge chair might prove damaging. Watching the lifeguard quickly remove his Gilligan hat, run to the bottom of a slide to wet the hat and return to apply the cold "compress" to the ailing woman would not be a good experience for the worrisome child. Facing your child the opposite direction while you captivatingly witness the medical treatment is an effective method, which allows you to keep your eyes on the action.

Final Observation: Due to the line wait, which is partially due to the inefficient and poorly-trained employees at some slides, the park name should be Misty 'n' Mild. I spent very little time fully soaked and out of control and much more time very dry in lines. I found my time to be neither wet nor wild. I understand marketing and promotion, etc.; still, I am a realist and would rather just have the truth up front.

I am now glad to be back at home, a place I like to call Calm 'n' Cool. I find it to be relaxing and operated by decently-trained individuals. It's free of lots of tattoos and puke, which I also appreciate.